STORIES I’LL TELL MY KIDS I

Good evening people, We’re introducing a new segment to the blog with hilarious stories of everyday happenings. Enjoy!

stories i'll tell my kids

“Ahah Sylvia! You’re shining oh.” Nkechi cooed as she took in all the ‘bling bling’ her friend was covered in.

“My sister. Na God oh.” Sylvia replied, in the usual Nigerian way.

“Mbanu Sylvia. You’ve known God since but this Celine bag you’re carrying is new. Gist your girl nah!” Nkechi said as she made herself comfortable in the seat opposite her friend. They had decided to meet up for lunch at The Taste in Victoria Island. The restaurant had a classic aura about it that made it look very appealing to people who drove by.

“Relax, Lati bought it for me.” Sylvia said as she gingerly picked up her glass of Chapman.

“Lati? Didn’t you people break up a while ago?”

“Ehen? So my gist has spread throughout Lagos?  How did you know we broke up?” Sylvia quizzed.

“I can’t even remember. Everyone knew though. How wouldn’t we when Lati was even employing people off the streets to beg you to take him back.” Sylvia burst into laughter on hearing this and Nkechi couldn’t help but join in eventually. When she finally composed herself and cleaned the tears that had run down her cheeks as a result of the laughter, she said “It’s actually one of the ‘take me back’ gifts. The Non-returnable type.” She said while grinning

“What exactly happened? People at work had different versions”

“All you amebo people. It was that yeye Lati oh…”

***

“Baby, so how was your meeting?” Sylvia puffed as she went around the car to unlock the driver’s seat and open the boot. She had just won the case she had been battling with for nearly a year and had decided to call Lati to share the happy news. He seemed a little distracted.

“Err, it was goo … Actually babe. I’m still in the meeting so I can’t talk now.” Lati’s trip to Bayelsa had lasted longer than she had expected. She had hoped he’d be there with her when the ruling of her biggest case ever was read.

“Ok. Do you know when you’ll be coming back yet?” She quizzed trying to hide her frustration.

“I told you Sylvia; I don’t know yet. When I know, you’ll know.” She was a bit taken aback by Lati’s rudeness but the vibration signaling that another call was coming in caused her to push it out of her mind. She said goodbye to Lati and hurriedly answered the new call.

“Sylvia baby! So you’re the one populating Kirikiri like this. I heard we won!” Anjuola screamed on the other end of the call. They had been best friends since their University days and had always been each other’s biggest cheerleader. “So where are we going to celebrate. Thank God Lati is out of town sef. I hereby ordain this night GIRLS NIGHT!!!!”

“Anjuola, you’re extremely pumped this afternoon. Relax child. And yes, girls’ night it shall be.” She said as she smiled at the thought of the various ways a night with Anjuola could go down.

“Good girl. So go home and be ready by 3:00.”

“3pm? Didn’t you say night?” she asked as she leaned against her Honda outside the Courthouse.

“Yes but it’s a long drive so be ready at 3. See you later Barrister.” The phone went dead immediately. Anjuola was renowned for her brief calls.

***

“Finally! Why did they have to situate the place so far outside Lagos and why did you choose this place anyway.” Sylvia asked as they pulled into La Campaigne Tropicana Resort. It was a beautiful hideout in the outskirts of Lagos with palm trees that lined the driveway and accentuated the breeze that the Atlantic Ocean brought as it’s waves roared in the distance. Anjuola drove in and found a place to park the car very close to the lobby. The sound of the waves was louder now.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked taking in the resort in all of its nighttime glory “It’s definitely worth the drive. And by the way, did I mention we’re staying the night. You need the getaway….and yes I packed for you.” She said grinning. Sylvia did a little happy dance in the passenger seat. The case had rid her of a goodnight sleep for weeks now and Lati wasn’t around so it was perfect. They got out of the car and Anjuola brought out the suitcase from the boot of the car.

“You snatched my things when I went outside to repack my car abi?” She asked trying to figure out how her friend had packed her things for a night out without her noticing.

“Yes.” Anjuola said smiling sheepishly. “And you ask too many questions. Let’s go.” She declared as she yanked Sylvia’s hand and moved her into the lobby.

***

“What did they say the name was again abeg? I need to google this thing and learn how to make it. So good! ” She said as she rammed down the contents of her plate into her mouth, relishing every bite. Anjuola’s petite size never betrayed the amount of food she consumed on a daily basis.

“Anjuola, you can eat! But it’s really good though. I have a good mind to go into the kitchen and kidnap the chef.”

“Criminal mastermind. I like the way you think.” They both laughed.

“That guy looks a lot like Lati.” Sylvia said as she squinted in the direction of the person she was referring to. Anjuola turned to examine the person in question.

“Mhmm. Same shape of head.” she said as she turned to continue downing her meal. Sylvia continued looking. This man did have the same shape of head as Lati. He sat in the darker corner of the dimly lit room that served as the restaurant. Her eyes had wondered in that direction because the man literally hadn’t been able to keep his hands off his date throughout the dinner. He’d been necking and kissing and her and she had dismissed it blaming the environment for the public display of affection. But now that she noticed the striking resemblance between this man and her boyfriend who was supposed to be hard at work in Bayelsa, she had renewed interest. He looked a lot like Lati. She noticed the mannerisms- the perfect posture lat always had while he sat, the constant tapping of the fingers on the table. Lati even had those shoes. She didn’t need better lighting to confirm.

“Anjuola, that is Lati.” She said. The change in her countenance was crystal clear.

“Are you sure? Isn’t Lati out of town? And who is the girl he’s been getting it on with?” She asked observing the couple.

“Are you done eating?”Sylvia asked. She looked eerily calm all of a sudden.

“Wait. What are you going to do? Sylvia relax. Don’t do anything rash. He’s not worth it.” Anjuola cautioned.

“Me? Rash? No oh. Definitely not. Just follow me.” They left the money for the meal beside the bill on the table with a tip for the waiter and made for the exit. On the way out, Sylvia abruptly stopped at Lati’s table.

“Oh my God! Anjuola! Isn’t this the one?” Lati recognized her voice and looked up. He froze. Anjuola looked at her puzzled.

“Anjuola, isn’t this that weave we’ve been looking for?” Sylvia continued all the while restricting her gaze to Lati’s date. “Excuse me. I’m sorry to be so crude. My friend and I have searched everywhere for this weave. It looks lovely on you!” Anjuola finally got the drift. She stole a glance at Lati. He was staring at Sylvia and sweating. The beads of sweat found their way to the surface despite the cool breeze the ocean was supplying. It took some effort to hold back the laughter.

“…You said  the color is Barbie brunette right? Thanks a lot.” Sylvia continued her act. When she was done, she looked up at Lati for the first time, flashed her most innocent smile and said “So sorry to interrupt your dinner like that. Have a good evening.”

As they walked away, Sylvia heard the girl say “She seemed nice.” She smiled as Anjuola marveled at her friend’s acting skills.

Written by NKY OTIKE -ODIBI

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7 thoughts on “STORIES I’LL TELL MY KIDS I

  1. I literally was glued to the spot reading because I felt moving would distort the gist of the story. You are a very talented blogger. I’m immensely proud of you and i know i don’t give you enough credit. Kudos baby girl.

    Like

  2. Nky Has HIT AGAIN OOO!!!! NICE!
    Wait, all this are stories you’ll tell your kids, abi? Issorait.

    PS: This line… ‘Mbanu Sylvia. You’ve known God since but this Celine bag you’re carrying is new.’ Totally killed me. LMAO

    Like

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