Analysis of a Nigerian Politician

The Nigerian politician always has a story to tell, be it a disheartening tale meant to foster compassion for his cause, or one to totally rally the massprince naijaes to his ever welcoming and convivial (for the moment) canopy. Either he faced unimaginable contortions in life (contortions which are not exceptional, for  most persons in the rural areas still face them) which then spurred him to make himself somebody of worth and high esteem (through the fastest medium, politics of course) or he was negated against, deprived of any opportunity to display his true colors and intent (one he would always describe as bright and colorful) which also incited him to prove those defeatists wrong (once again, by transcending himself to the political atmosphere). Rarely, but be not be deceived by their rarity, there are also those who claim they have been given the divine mandate by the Superior One Himself, (or Herself, we don’t really want to be male chauvinists here, do we?) to alleviate the nation from its current predicament and degradation. The Nigerian politician always has a story to tell.

The tale, once it has been bored into the heart of the populace through endless reiteration by their ever annoyingly persistent adverts and fans, followers and parasitic brethren, will, subsequently, be amended and extended to include their ever shimmering visions and aspirations, which they propose are for solely the benefit for the masses. The tale, by this time, will be painting a sky filled with rainbows and, not only a land overflowing with the proverbial milk and honey, but one filled with unicorns as well. Unicorns I say? Yes my dear ever expressive readers, unicorns. But, some of you will mutter, that’s not feasible, that’s just imaginary. Yes it is, but not for the Nigerian politician. Oh no, not him, for him everything is more than possible. Of course, so long he has the Superior One by his side. But how those he inform the ignoramuses known as the populace that he has a higher power backing him? Simple, he makes sure that the blind prying eyes of the masses capture him paying homage to the cream of the crop of his religious sect, and ensures that these very influential persons (because, admit it, 78% of Nigerians worship their religious leaders) come out to the masses  and spread his gospel of change. Yes, the Nigerian politician always has a gospel to preach.

The Nigerian politician, be it an illiterate with no evidence of his intellectual achievements and prowess, or a slow but well learned and sparsely taught degree holder (err, let’s say a PhD) is a smart person never the less. He is well abreast of the ever persistent strife betwixt the two major religious factions in the nation, so therefore, in other not to appear biased (but with the true and glaring notion of winning the ignorant and tribalism hearts  over to his welcoming canopy, or umbrella, whichever) he adorns, yes, adorns, because they turn to nothing but ornaments subsequently, himself with noiseless loyalists with no desire of theirs, except to do what monkey says (monkey does), loyalists which coincidentally happen to be an appreciated person of the adjacent major religion ( ok, to break it down, so that some of you may not get lost, Christians align with Muslims and vice versa). The Nigerian politician doesn’t care if this ornament is someone who possesses the acumen to act as according to his position, no, so long as he wins the hearts of the people, that’s all. With this, Nigerians should be able to initiate vigorous cognitive activities to enable them perceive that this politician is vying for that particular position for personal and no doubt selfish reasons, for he makes use these strategies to acquire votes in the proceeding elections. Why try to win or buy votes when your actions, precedent and present, display you to have nothing but the invigorating fire of change and love for your nation at heart?  If someone preaches change, he must have taken conscious steps on his own accord and will to enforce such a proposed change into his immediate environment for him to be held accordingly. Nigerians should set aside sentimentality, relationships, tribalism and call a spade what it evidently appears to be. If a particular person has bestowed on himself the mandate of changing the nation, he should not entertain any fear on his receptibility by the general public, for a good man is a good man, regardless of his upbringing, religion or position. You doubt? Go and re-familiarize yourself with the initial outcome of the notorious JUNE 12 election. A true politician does not care if he fails, as he will be willing to support the victor in transforming the nation. But the Nigerian politician knows that the masses are drunk in religion, penury, perjury, poverty and destructive ignorance, and so, they act on this accordingly with all venom and vigor.

The Nigerian Politician, once he has surpassed these stages, due to lackadaisical and lacklustre attitude of the national body imbibed with the mandate  to prune the weeds from the more poisonous weeds  in the political arena, subjects himself, personally,  to discrediting either the present kings on high places or his competitor, by either displaying devastating images of the nation’s  well being to the masses due to the ineptitudes of the present power hoarders, or by drawing dark and more darkening allusions from the precedent actions of the ‘enemy’ from times passed. The Nigerian politician does not mind belittling himself to resort to petty calling of names, no; the Nigerian politician views that as politics. The mass media encourages that too, oh yes they do. They tag it ‘WAR OF WORDS’, like some low budget municipal movie (admit it, it does sound like a title of a ‘Nigerian home video’) and boldly pen down detailed articles on the insults these politicians mete out on each other. The Nigerian politician likes this, for to him, any publicity is good publicity, regardless of the fact that the nation is peered into by other nations, waiting to tag it a third world country, an underdeveloped state, or an outright jungle inhabited by monkeys. No, the Nigerian politician does not care. He would lay the blame on his opposition’s doorstep whenever violence ensues and there is loss of life and property, regardless if his opposition was the party adversely affected or not. “Na politics jare”, are the famous words uttered, not only by him and his gluttony followers, but the general public as well.

Finally, the Nigerian politician can make rosy, sweet smelling, and alluring promises. Unicorns my dear, unicorns. They are, and I posses a deep conviction to believe so, granted this talent by the Superior One Himself (or Herself). “We will ensure you have light! Operation no more bad roads! We will set up economic windmills to reduce our dependence on oil! I will reduce fuel price! We will fight insecurity and terrorism squarely! I will ensure that your children don’t go barefooted to school!” are some of the promises the Nigerian politician is willing to spew out of his uncircumcised mouth, but with no actual elucidation on how to actualize these promises. The Nigerian politician claims he suffered the same fate the masses suffer from, but yet, he cannot come up with a simple chart with the sole aim of reducing the constantly growing harsh and dumbfounding state of affairs of the people he claims to serve. My next statement is directed to you know who: you claim you went to school barefooted, then explain why you haven’t created an indigenous shoe company in those rustic areas where you claim you grew up? Not only would they manufacture shoes for those lacking of it, but also create job opportunities, thus replenishing the economy on the long run (had to get that out, whpeeew!).

The Nigerian politician is what he is, a Nigerian politician.

If you have any attribute, devoid the aforementioned, of a Nigerian politician, comment appropriately. Thank you and have a blessed new year.

Tami Koroye.



2 thoughts on “Analysis of a Nigerian Politician

  1. Nice piece, but the problem I believe doesn’t rest on the politicians alone the Nigerian people also contribute their on quarter as they upon hearing the lies told and seeing them for what they are (LIES) still sell their votes to the same politicians all in the name of getting their own share of the NATIONAL CAKE and there after proceed to curse the government for not fulfilling the promises made.


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