Journey to Paradise

The transition from 2014 to 2015 seems to have gone smoothly in Nigeria. We thank God that there were minimal occurrences of last minute deaths and fatal accidents. All over the country, the cross over seems to have been peaceful, even in the troubled zones of the Northern region, save for some individual acts of insurgency targeted at bombing specific churches in the troubled zones. Glory to God, we had reports of a failed suicide bombing where only the bomber himself transited to Paradise where virgins await him. What is the big deal about having virgins in Paradise? Can’t they legitimately help themselves to virgins here on earth? Perhaps the Jihadist ideology of killing for virgins in heaven is premiered on the assumption that there is a scarcity of virgins here on earth? Methinks the Ministry of Women Affairs need to sit down and think this one out. Even if it means offering a number of virgins regularly to be despoiled by the terrorists, in return for peace. No cost is too high in the fight for peace.

In the wake of the Yuletide Celebrations and its attendant feasting and celebrations, many would return back to the harsh and brutal reality of being a Nigerian. The prices of foodstuff which deceptively dropped just before the yuletide season began would finally bow to the superior economic forces of demand and supply, especially in wake of the drastically declining value of the Naira vis-à-vis other foreign currencies.
The pleasant attitude of some bosses and Ogas will diminish, the niceness and end of the year packages would stop, the general pleasant nature of Nigerians at bus stops and public places will return to its brusque and sour demeanour. Everything would be back to the way it was. Students back to their dilapidated classrooms, lecturers will return back to struggle for unpaid salaries, Civil servants will return to their cubicles, the leadership of this country will return back to their various fortresses, planning the final siege on the nations’ economy before they finally relinquish their stranglehold on power.

As the general elections draw closer, we would notice an increase in the importation of bags of rice into the country. Now that android phones are sold for as low as Nine thousand naira, Politicians finally have something via which to entice the bulk of the Nigerian youthful electorate. However, I am sure that in such places like Lagos State, the sophisticated tushness of her citizens will not permit them to sell their votes for nothing less than an iPhone 6 apiece. In the western parts of the country like Ogun, Osun, and Oyo States, bags of rice are the perfect commodity to capture votes. In the East however, Android phones and educational materials such as notebooks and textbooks would play a crucial role. Politicians need not worry themselves about the North. All they need do is to settle the traditional rulers of the land all the votes of the electorate therein would be in their pockets. An example that comes to mind is that of Vice President Namadi Sambo who recently said that he was expecting nothing less than 2 million votes from Adamawa State…

On a more pleasant note, the year seems to have started well. Unlike the preceeding years which were ushered in amidst strikes and industrial actions, the year 2015 was ushered with economic prosperity (according to Mr. President). Going from the numbers of Chickens killed and consumed this season, and the pleasant reports from around the country, we can indeed say that 2014 ended well. We emerged as the first nation to successfully battle a global epidemic that gave even the United States of America serious headaches. The Boko Haram insurgency seems to be on a lull, or perhaps they are on New Year break too. These, and many more testimonies which we can proudly boast of.

In all things, we are expected to give thanks. We are thankful that Nigeria has managed to stick together as a single political entity, especially given our heterogeneous nature. We have another chance to re write our history and make up for our past mistakes. We also have a chance to create a future that we would be proud to associate with.

Let us join our hands together to achieve our dreams. Let us make use of this opportunity to create our own paradise, so we won’t need to place our hopes on virgins in paradise…

I am Oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter.


10 thoughts on “Journey to Paradise

  1. lol, its quite sarcastic but in a serious way, Boko harram members are sick people! anyway I’m hoping or praying for the best this year in faith that things will change for good , God is in control. And I disagree to the offering of virgins to the terrorist…God forbid! it can never come to that.


  2. tank u my brother…y fight for virgins in heaven
    when u Ve them here
    …..perherps ..they know dey re responsible for
    the scarcity….
    Nyc one


  3. Interesting writeup Nonso ,(although I don’t think the ministry of women affairs will ever consider dat o,Lol),but indeed we’ve a lot 2 be thankful for.Happy new year again and more power to ur elbow.


  4. Interesting writeup Nonso,(buh I don’t think the ministry of women affairs will ever consider dat 1o,Lol),indeed we have a lot to be thankful for, so Happy new year again,and more power to your elbow.


  5. Oh, well, one must always look on the brighter side of life. And give thanks in everything! *Sighs* Wonderful write-up, full of fun and truth…


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