The god of NEPA

GRAND COMMANDER OF THE ORDER OF DARKNESS II

Please click here to read Part 1 of this article

“A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” -Joseph Conrad.

Power Hoarding Company of Nigeria, PHCN has proved the truth in Joseph Conrad’s words. Since I posted part 1 of this article, I have not seen NEPA generated electricity in my house with my two eyes or even in my dream. Many of our readers nationwide also complained to me that the moment they opened the link to this story to read it, electricity has become a scarce commodity in their homes. I had to call a prayer warrior in my church who after intense prayers revealed that the father of one of our readers works in PHCN, and he got to read the story through his daughter who showed it to him. And true enough, one of my friends on my Whatsapp list messaged me to confirm this. I have been begging her since to tell her father that he shouldn’t take the article personally.
They finally decided to bring the light after three days of perpetual darkness, but alas, the
light they brought was the true definition of a Greek gift- completely useless. It only succeeded in blowing up all the bulbs in my house, as well as my laptop charger. It seems that they are trying to kill my career. But HE that is in me…

As I write this, it is in fear of the most powerful erst-while public corporation in the country. PHCN seems to have a god who oversees their activities and directs the amount of light that each part of the country should have. This god has successfully proved throughout the country that he is not only to be respected, but also be feared. I remember the period during 2002 FIFA World Cup when our Pastor used to include NEPA in his prayer points for the week. There were also times before Fashola became the governor of Lagos State that you would wake up to find sacrifices just in front of the transformer to appease the god of electricity. I want to vehemently re-iterate, that this god of PHCN should be held in awe in all Nigerian homes. Of course, there are Nigerians who had the privilege of growing up without knowing what NEPA is. These are people whose fathers probably stole millions of naira meant for the development of the country in general and hid in Swiss banks. The rest of us, whose parents religiously paid their taxes were taught at an early age the different mannerisms with which to pay homage to the god of NEPA. Whenever they feel like ‘bringing’ the light, we have to show our appreciation by shouting “UP NEPAAAAAA!!!’ And believe me, the god of NEPA is an omnipresent diety who is always listening to see whether your shout is loud and genuine enough.
This god of NEPA has a way of announcing himself in grand style during Premier League matches on Saturday. He will show us that power does not belong to the masses but the elite just when Van Persie is about to score. And also on Tuesday and Wednesday night during Champions League matches. He also strikes just when the movie has got to that interesting point where Tonto Dikeh is about to slap Nonso Diobi for ‘toasting’ her. And of course, if you are watching the movie on Africa Magic, you will know that the few seconds that it would take to switch on the generator would cost you the satisfaction of actually seeing Nonso Diobi getting slapped.

But given their recent exploits in the homes of Nigerian masses, I would like to confer a National Award on behalf of the Exploited Citizens of Nigeria to this great company: The Grand Commander of the Order of Darkness. Please, if you know anybody that knows anybody that knows the PRO of PHCN, ask him to come ahead and collect the award, because we must give honour to whom honour is due.

                              ****

There was a time in 2011 when President Goodluck Jonathan promised Nigerians that “By the year 2012, Nigerians will not need generators again.” When I heard that, I immediately said ‘Amen’ because it is only by divine intervention that such can only come to pass in this country. True to GEJ’s words, electricity supply increased tremendously throughout the country in the year 2012. But it seems that there will always be a select group of badbellles in this country, people whose births were monitored by witches, who pride themselves in sabotaging resources meant for the good of the Nigerian masses. These badbelles exist in every cadre of the Nigerian society- from the hot shot politician who works in the Ministry of Power to the Permanent Secretaries that divert funds to their private accounts, down to the secretaries and clerks who refuse to be meticulous in their handling of files. These are obviously the men capable of every wickedness that Joseph Conrad spoke about.
We are in the twenty-first century, when the issue of electricity should not be a priority item in this country that enjoys abundant sunlight. The first step to overcoming this malady is to play our part by paying our taxes and NEPA bills promptly. To quote Governor Fashola, “It is when the citizens have played their part by paying their taxes that they can expect the Government to do things for them.”

P.S:   Imagine yourself as a parent, and you ask your child that million-dollar question: “What do you want to become when you grow up?” and receive the reply: “I wantchu be a NEPA man when I grow up.” What would your reaction be?

Pls, don’t share this article with anyone who has relatives working in PHCN. I have had enough of them.

I am oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter.

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