I realize this is a bit different from our usual focus but recent and past experience has shown me that ASUU strike isn’t affecting only people’s academic lives, their social skills are dying too. I’ve come to see that in this world ruled by relationships and connections, Education has a big part to play; so I’m going to be the lecturer today and teach the guys (and maybe the girls too) those things that you should flee from when it comes to girls.
1. Assuming, you are walking on the street, on a busy road in the hot sun and suddenly, you see this gorgeous girl……NEVER, under any circumstance, not even if you believe by instant revelation that she is the one ordained for you by God; do not stop her on the road to ask for her number. This reduces your chances by more than half because no matter how handsome you think you are, you really aren’t worth standing under Nigerian Sun for. It also makes you look local and inconsiderate. Let it go and maybe God will reward you and let you see her again under more favourable circumstances.
2. If its a cool day and you really think its worth a shot, you may approach BUT, do not just jump in her face and go ‘ Hi, My name is Akpos…………I will like to know you better. May I have your contact ‘. This example is even polite by Nigerian standards. If you want to collect her number, why not help yourself and make a good first impression. Make some intelligent small talk. Girls appreciate wit and humour. Don’t walk up with the daft, cliché ‘have we meet before’ line. Try and say something intelligent, I didn’t say, meet her for the first time and ask about politics oh. Whatever you do, just remember that every single action you take when you meet her is what she’s going to keep in mind as the first impression and if you screw up; chances are she’ll give you a wrong number.
3. While making your first impression, TRY, TRY and TRY to speak good English! This cannot possibly be over-emphasized. Don’t hit her with the ‘Can I has your number’ bomb. If she’s a smart girl, she’s going to be running in the other direction the next opportunity she gets. Then again, that doesn’t mean you should go all ‘Patrick Obahiagbon’ on a sister. Keep it simple, that way you are less likely to make mistakes.
4. Even though you may disagree, its better not to collect a girl’s number the first time you meet her. If you just chat her up and wait until the 2nd meeting to collect her number; she already has a certain respect for you because its something most people wouldn’t do and then the chances of you starting a good friendship are better.
5. So at this stage, we are assuming you both have started talking casually. DO NOT lie. This would probably be a very difficult habit to break. When talking to a girl or anybody for that matter, do not give them the idea that you are something or someone that you really aren’t. If you do that, you are only opening up a black hole of lies and It will never end. Don’t say ‘ I manage a hotel’ when all you really manage is the gate of the hotel. And don’t say ‘ I’m a poet ‘ and then get angry when she asks to see one of your poems. Keep it real and keep it true; if you don’t your lies will come back and bite you in the butt and it wouldn’t be pretty.
6. Next, DO NOT ask to meet up with a girl who is barely an acquaintance. So you meet someone today and by tomorrow, you are asking ‘Can we meet?’ The guy who does this is most likely desperate, and if he isn’t then he makes himself look desperate and quite reckless too. He might as well invite a complete stranger over. Until you’ve known her well enough, its unwise to go out with her. If you think two weeks is enough and you invite her out and she brings six of her friends who eat all your life’s savings in one afternoon; you’ll have just yourself to blame. That, by the way, is almost the best case scenario.
7. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER tell a girl you have just met and barely know ‘ I love you ‘. Yes yes, people do it and go as far as ‘ if you don’t love me back, I wouldn’t be able to sleep’. You might argue that it is love at first sight which is hardly ever the case though but if you are so sure it is, kindly keep it to yourself till you know her well enough so you don’t end up scaring her away. Apart from scaring her, proclaiming your love when you are barely even friends makes you appear daft and unfortunately, once you crossed this line, you most likely never get a do-over. Girls prefer to earn such things and so your saying it before knowing her for a week just cancels all chances you may have previously had.
8. DO NOT call, ping or text like a maniac. There are those guys that you meet and you feel like you might as well have downloaded an app and left it on all day. They just function to kill your phone battery! How does a normal person leave 14 missed calls. I don’t owe you money! No matter how interesting you think the girl is, don’t send her messages all the time, she had other friends before she met you. You don’t just meet someone and decide to be their personal alarm clock, not everyone likes to hear the sound of your voice at 5:30 in the morning. If you must call, do it at reasonable time. Not too early and not too late.
9. DO NOT make yourself her personal therapist. This is a common one. When you meet a girl, in a bid to get to know her; don’t delve in and start shooting all the personal questions. If you talk about surface things and the conversation leads in that direction- Fine but do not take it upon yourself to ask every personal question there is or ever will be. It can be quite annoying and you don’t want her despising you, at least not yet.
10. DO NOT introduce the girl you barely know to your friends as your girlfriend. You may be able to bask in the glory of having a gorgeous ‘girlfriend’ for a while but when the news reaches her, you would get the embarrassment of a lifetime. She would take the effort to tell you and your friends that she isn’t and I’m sure we all like to avoid embarrassment when we can. If you think she wouldn’t find out, wait till her actual boyfriend gets wind of it……hehe that one would be a story for another day.Go here for a male’s point of view on the topic
For those of you who didn’t know, well now you know. Don’t forget them. Thank me later…..